Wow. The last time I wrote was in January. I guess I'm not very good at keeping up with these things. I've made some pretty big changes in my life since January.
I realized in late January, early February that my job was taking a huge toll on my health and happiness. The stress of being an inner city teacher for 9 years had began to break me down. In combination with my bad back and depression, the stress was more than I could take. I was constantly being told that I was not good at my job by my less than stellar principal, which as we all know can get to even the most competent person. I felt like my years of experience and successes were being discounted and put aside.
In addition, the emotional stress of loving my damaged students was becoming too much for me to handle. I had a handful of refugee students who lived through things I can only imagine. Not to mention the students who had been sexually abused, the one whose mother was most likely a prostitute and there were also two students who lost parents during the school year. That was just the beginning of the issues I had to deal with on a daily basis. I loved them all dearly, but I was completely exhausted by the end of the work day and in pain all over. It became impossible for me to do even the smallest of chores at home. My amazing husband tried his best to support me, but our relationship was becoming unequal and that was taking its toll on me too. I felt guilty. It seemed that my priorities were misaligned. I had completely lost myself. So, in order to claim back my life, I quit my job. My district offered an incentive to retire/resign due to a budget shortfall and it seemed like an answer to my prayers. I worked the rest of the year, trying not to be stressed, although it was virtually impossible. I'm pretty sure I would've quite several more times if I hadn't already taken the incentive package.
During the last semester of school I stopped doing weight watchers. I couldn't handle the stress and the counting of points. Really my addiction to food reared its ugly head again. When I get upset or angry or sad, I run to food as an escape. That is what I did. I gained back the 10 lbs that I lost in January, but you know, I'm okay with that. It helped me to realize something about myself and it helped me to make a big decision and take an enormous step to becoming more myself.
It has been a little over a week since school let out. I've lost about 5 lbs. It is amazing what can happen when you cut out the stress from your life. I'm back at weight watchers and counting points. I'm looking for a new job and a more creative life style. I'm inspired and working toward becoming the best version of me that I can be. I pray for guidance and wisdom from God every day. I know without a doubt that HE will take of me.
