Almost the New Year

I just reread my last post. Wow. It is still so true. I tried to do WW with a group of friends and it went well for over a month. I lost around 10 lbs. Then school started and it fell apart. My job is so stressful that I can't manage to do more than wake up go to school and come home. I tend to crash when I get home.

I did go to the doctor and found out my thyroid is a little low. I'm supposed to start on meds soon. Hopefully that will help with the energy issue. Thyroid issues can also cause depression and a slow metabolism. I'm optimistic that if I get these issues taken care of then I might be able to start working out and eating better.

I'm claiming 2011 as the year to get things done! I'll try to keep you updated on the process of becoming more clearly myself.

What am I so afraid of?

I'm not an idiot. I know that if I keep going the way I am that I will have a heart attack, weigh 400 pounds, have diabetes and be miserable. I know that I am slowly killing myself with the foods I eat and the lack of exercise. I also know what I should do to fix it. I know what foods are healthy. I know I need to be more active. Why can't I just do it? Sure I have some really good excuses. I have a bad back. I'm battling depression. I'm allergic to heat. (I break out into hives when I get really hot.) I also know that more than excuses, they are REASONS to change my ways. It is so difficult. I don't know what is stopping me from changing. Actually I do know. I'm afraid. I'm afraid to fail. Again. I'm afraid of losing things that bring me joy. I'm afraid it will change my relationships. I'm scared of the work that I'll have to do. I'm afraid that I won't be able to handle the stress of making such a major change in my life. I'm afraid that I won't have support from family and friends. I'm scared that I'll become even more crazy than I already am. How do I overcome these fears?

Fat Tuesday?

I've got to break my fast food breakfast habit! I went to the grocery store today on my way home and bought some breakfast bars. I think I'll still stop at Sonic for my morning diet Dr. Pepper.

Today I ate...
Breakfast: Chicken Biscuit 9 pts
Lunch: Taco and Burrito 11 pts (19 total)
Dinner: Hot Dogs 2 points each! Potato Salad and Baked Beans I don't know the points yet cause I haven't found my ww calculator.

I think I might only be a little over today... It's nice getting back into the swing of things. There is nothing more inspirational to me that the hot summer weather, swimsuits and fresh food! I got ww giant chocolate ice cream bars and some strawberry fruit bars that are both 1 point each. I love summer!

Monday

What I ate today...

Breakfast: Chick-fil-a Chicken Biscuit -9 pts
Lunch: Taco Bell Crunchy Taco and Bean Burrito- 11 pts
Snack: Chips and Salsa (5?)
Dinner: Breakfast Casseroles, Fruit, mini muffin, mimosa, dessert pts? No points it was KENO night!!

Okay, so when I decided to start my ww adventure yesterday, I forgot about my Keno group tonight. I didn't plan for it. Next month I will be ready. I'm going to keep track of my points the best I can this week, but I'm going to do my official weigh in and start my week on Thursday. So, I'm going to consider the time till then as a warm-up or practice time. If I mess up or go over, then I'll just learn from it and do better next time.

On another note, I had the best time at Keno tonight. There were only five of us there, but it was a great group. We all got along great and had a wonderful time! I can't wait to get together again with my girls.

Weight Watchers

Okay, so I really enjoyed being vegan for about two weeks. I lost about five pounds and felt better, except for those days when I found it very hard to get protein into my diet. On those days I went loopy. Chris would probably describe my behavior as crazy. So, I decided to add eggs and dairy into my diet and be a vegetarian. That worked for over a month. I didn't really miss meat at all, but I saw no benefits. I even gained back the 5 pounds plus more. SO, here I am going back to my weight loss roots. I'm going to try weight watchers again.

The last few times I've done it, I haven't been very successful. I blame my depression for those less than stellar results. Now that I'm very happily on Pristiq I hope to be able to count points and see results. I'm not going to join a group because I've done it so many times. I'm going to pick a day of the week and weigh at the same time that day every week. I'm thinking Thursday Morning. That way I can enjoy my weekends and use my bonus points and have the rest of the week to work it off.

I worked out a little today. I did part of a 20 minute Pilates work out. I know it doesn't sound like much to you, but after having hurt my back, my physical activity level dropped from almost none to completely non existent. I really liked it even though it was very difficult for me. I think it's exactly what my back needs to gain strength so I can take part in other activities.

So, I'm going to write down what I eat every day on my blog. I think the accountability will help. Maybe you can help me and maybe I'll help you. Who knows! So here is what I've eaten so far today... Don't judge me. I wasn't planning on doing this when I made my food decisions today...

Today I ate...
One and a half biscuits from Whataburger with sausage gravy- approx. 18 points! OMG!
Two tacos from Jack in the Box and a small curly fry- 7(tacos 3.5 each)+ 6(fries)= 13
New York Steamer Sandwich from Firehouse Subs (12 points)
chips - I'm guessing 5 pts.

18+13+12+5= 48 points! OMG! No wonder! Okay, SO, I'm supposed to have 30 points a day. Plus I have my 35 bonus points. So I went 18 points over today which leaves 17 bonus points for the rest of the week.

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed right now. I can do this!!!

Eating Out.

Okay, so last night I really didn't feel like cooking so we went out. It was my first try at eating out since deciding to be a vegan. We went to our favorite Mexican restaurant, Norma's in Garland. It was SO delicious. I got beans and rice, a side salad and an order or guacamole. Oh yes, and their,, to die for corn tortillas. It was really good! I got to have all my favorite stuff! I didn't need the cheese and the meat to enjoy it. It was so good.
This morning I made oatmeal for breakfast and had some fresh fruit. I do need to admit that I really wanted eggs and cheese this morning. Oh how I love a taquito from Whataburger! I am hungry as well. I guess I'll have to get used to that, at least while by body changes and my stomach shrinks. I do feel lighter already. That's for sure. Well, I'm off to figure out what to eat for lunch!

Becoming Vegan...

This week I decided to become a vegan. No, I'm not a hippy, or an animal activist or anything like that. I'm obese, I'm depressed and I'm tired of being tired and in pain.

Over the last few months I've heard stories of people who had become vegan and it had changed their life. They are no longer on anti-depressants, and they've cured other illnesses. Basically they feel great and they look great! So, I thought I'd give it a try!

I started on Tuesday. For dinner I made veggie tacos and they were great!!!!! The best tacos I've ever had! Yesterday I had the leftover tacos for lunch and made a great vegan pasta bake for dinner. Again a very yummy dinner! I tried a whole grain granola for breakfast. I have to admit, I didn't love it, but I'm sure I'll find something I like better very soon! I had the leftover pasta for lunch and it was great! I stopped by the new Whole Foods by my work on my way home and bought some great vegan items. Did you know they have vegan beef and vegan cheese? Who knew?!?! I made chili for dinner. We made Frito pie and it was REALLY good!

I'm only on day two and a half but, so far, I love it! I can't wait to share my favorite recipes and my journey to a new me!!!

V-day Flowers

I wish I had something to say...

My life is fairly uneventful right now. It's all about the TAKS writing test coming up, DATA and doing absolutely nothing when I get home! We did clean up the house this morning and went to eat at an all you can eat Asian buffet. It wasn't as good as the first time we ate there, but it was good, especially for the price. The company was great. We got to spend some face time with our new friends the Grimes'. Isn't it great when you meet someone and you know instantly that you can say what you think with no fear of hurting feelings or being judged? I love the Grimes family and wish we could spend more time with them! If only Chris didn't play hockey every Saturday night, maybe we could get together more often. Till then, Cheri and I will send random text messages about school, husbands, shopping, food, and bunco! It's good to have a friend.

Sunny Days

Yesterday was sunny, and a warm 75 degrees. I couldn't resist the urge to put the top down on my convertible. I enjoyed my ride home from work so much that when I got home, I picked up the boys and we headed out for a drive around the neighborhood. It was Otto's first time in my car, and his first time riding with the top down! I was afraid he might see a cat and jump out! He didn't and we had a great ride!

He seemed to love feeling the wind in his face as much I do. We made a stop by my parents house to see my dad, who LOVES Otto! Then we decided to run a few errands. Our short ride around the neighborhood ended an hour later! It was a wonderful time. Three of my favorite things... Chris, Otto and my convertible.

Otter Potter

Coming back to life...

As you can tell I haven't posted for quite some time. There are a couple reasons, but mostly because I've been really depressed. I'm not talking a little sad because something bad happened. I'm talking can't get out of bed, crying all day for no reason, completely uncontrollable sadness. For several months there wasn't a day that went by where I didn't cry. There wasn't a day where I didn't hurt all over. There wasn't a day where I wasn't afraid. Everyday was a challenge to stay alive. It was a challenge just to live. I don't know if you've ever experienced something like that. It's scary to be so out of control. I didn't want to be sad. I didn't want to cry. I prayed that God would deliver me from my pain and there were moments when He did that, but none were permanent. I would pray for the Holy Spirit to fill me with joy again. It was a very scary time. I've struggled with depression off and on for 10-15 years. I can see it clearly now, but didn't know it at the time. I feel like this depression has stolen a decade of my life. Two weeks ago I finally went to the doctor and got Pristiq. It's really strange. The change is noticeable. I'm more confident. I'm less scared. I smile more. I'm WAY more productive. I still get overwhelmed at times and emotional now and then, but I feel alive and happy. It'll be interesting to see how this changes my life. I have taken a giant step to becoming more clearly myself and I'm looking forward to the future.