Coming back to life...

As you can tell I haven't posted for quite some time. There are a couple reasons, but mostly because I've been really depressed. I'm not talking a little sad because something bad happened. I'm talking can't get out of bed, crying all day for no reason, completely uncontrollable sadness. For several months there wasn't a day that went by where I didn't cry. There wasn't a day where I didn't hurt all over. There wasn't a day where I wasn't afraid. Everyday was a challenge to stay alive. It was a challenge just to live. I don't know if you've ever experienced something like that. It's scary to be so out of control. I didn't want to be sad. I didn't want to cry. I prayed that God would deliver me from my pain and there were moments when He did that, but none were permanent. I would pray for the Holy Spirit to fill me with joy again. It was a very scary time. I've struggled with depression off and on for 10-15 years. I can see it clearly now, but didn't know it at the time. I feel like this depression has stolen a decade of my life. Two weeks ago I finally went to the doctor and got Pristiq. It's really strange. The change is noticeable. I'm more confident. I'm less scared. I smile more. I'm WAY more productive. I still get overwhelmed at times and emotional now and then, but I feel alive and happy. It'll be interesting to see how this changes my life. I have taken a giant step to becoming more clearly myself and I'm looking forward to the future.